Was chatting to a good pal, cant quite recall how we got to this topic of parents either. Its funny you know... come to think bout it... If we look back into our childhood to high school days, typically a majority of parents would say, "No, you're not allowed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend... Studies comes first, let all be friends." And there we are as kids thinking, relationships dont kill and "I like him/her and he/she likes me too." Somtimes we hid among the bushes and quietly begin our little relationships. Then things dont work out, then we break up etc. But that's we as kids of yesterday...

When we get into college, parents and parents friends would come busily asking, "Who's your boyfriend/girlfriend?" and "Are you seeing anyone?" When the answer is yes, they'll begin asking who, asking to bring home for them to see and whatsoever. But when the answer is no, they would ask, "Why not? You're in college, there's choices for you to make etc.." So this is the college phase...

Here comes the scary phase.. After graduating and working... Parents would haunt their own children with the norm of a phrase saying, "When are you both planning to get married?" Or if one is single, the topic would be, "Why are you so fussy?", "When are you going to start looking for your other half?"

And upon marriage, the question again pops up... "When are you planning to have kids?" And they'll start planning how their grandchildren would be like etc... and imaging bout grandchildren for us way before we can make any plans of such.

Isnt it the irony of parents.. they just never finish asking and we each and everyone follow this same trend of cycle in life. Strange isnt it? But whatever it is, parents are still parents, we still love them for who they are

Had this very interesting conversation with a good friend of mine quite a long while back over dinner. Spoke of a lot of things in general and suddenly it hit me... We as human beings LOVE OURSELVES more than anything else in this world, the love we have for ourselves is equivalent to the importance of money.

Lets look at it from this angle.. Why do we dress up? Its because we want to look good, we have more self confidence and its because we love ourselves enough to care about how we present ourselves to others. We would also feel proud and over the moon if someone compliments us of our fashion sense.

Look again from another angle, why do some girls become anorexic? They eat or starve themselves coz they feel that they are fat. Yes, its torturing our own body but then again, why do they do that? Its all because they want to look good and feel more self confident to build up that love that they have of themselves more. Its suffering yes.. but some girls are willing to pay that high price all of the cause of finding a greater reason to love themselves.

We love ourselves so much that actually by nature, we as human beings love to talk bout ourselves, that is our "THE" most favourite topic. Where I learn this from is from reading some sales & marketing books and when I was a vacation counsellor, I use to observe my tours, each and everyone of them. When you can make them talk bout themselves, they can go on and on and on non stop and can spend a few hours telling you bout their lives, their experiences, their opinions, their gossips etc...

There used to be this acquaintance I know.. She is one person who loves herself to the maximum, one of which I find unique as I've never met anyone who so love themselves the way she does. She can spend the next one hour telling you an incident she feels is very funny and laughs bout it. And when someone wants to speak up, no one can actually have that chance to finish more than one sentence before she continues telling everyone something about her day of what she went through. To some, she may be so full of herself but hey, when we look at it from another angle, she's merely just overly in love with herself.

Funny how it hit me.. I admit I love myself though I dont really like to remember it. Well everyone does.. just that we either deny this fact else we choose to program ourselves to say we do not though when we really think bout it, it is really true..

Am turning 22 this year yet here I am sitting my arse down making nothing out of life
5 years had just passed me by just like that
Faster than even the snap of my own fingers
A few days back, a friend asked, "Hey, what are you going to do with your life? You're 22 this year... At your age, you should be on your way to building up your career with a proper job and by 25, you should be owning and paying for your own car and by 27/28, you should be financing your own roof over your head. You're far off from all this."
I've always been aware that I was just drifting with my own life
But what I didnt realise was that, I was THAT FAR OFF from everything that I should be doing had I been on the right track

I learn... as one grows older, we mature and our mindset changes alongside
During those young and rebellious days, the rule was.. SCREW RULES, I LIVE LIFE MY WAY!!!
Then as we get older, the funny thing is, we tend to compromise and live by the unwritten rules and regulations of society
BUT at the same time learn, living life my own way does not mean breaking all the rules but what we're going to make out of our own lives and how we're going to chart our own future.

Its funny how when we're 15, 16, 17.. every advise always falls on deaf ears
And we try hard to act all adult like trying to grow up as fast as possible
Even to the point of saying, "Screw your advises, I choose to learn the hard way and choose to make those mistakes to feel and really understand whats it all bout."
Of course... another advise would come, "Some mistakes are best not made, best avoided and take heed of advise, little one."
Only when the time comes do we realise... those gentle advises were right
When the mistakes best avoided are made, those mistakes would/can do great damage/scarring that will affect one for the rest of our lives...

Isnt it ironic?
Advises that people always allow to fall on deaf ears
Yet those gentle words can make or break people

Just a thought, my usual ramblings in my little head... Havent blog in ages and at this time, my mind is just not in the right frame.. slightly slanted...

Courage is a brave step forward that many DARE NOT take in fear of what is in front.. Yet they forget... Ahead lies many greater and more beautiful things.. hang in there and be patient... they will come your way...

Then again... when something means so much.. it is hard to let go even when its dying.. but if one is willing to fight for it.. and endure through the obstacles... there is still salvation... just how much effort is one willing to put it? how much are they willing to sacrifice? how ready are they to struggle...? what will they stand be when they have lost their faith?

Words are only words.. so I heard & so I was told... it is action that speaks louder than words.. What happens when the action backfires or there dont seem to be actions done... can it just be taken on face value only or is there more than it seems?

Contradicting but hmm... just ramblings... just thoughts... abstract.. maybe...

Its funny how I was reading all my friends blogs the other day and I've been pondering bout all the interesting things they wrote about. I remember quoting a friend who wrote, "its funny what you feel about strongly changes when feelings are involved".

Come to think of it, people are always changing and when feelings are really involved, people can really change for the other especially when the feelings are strong enough and mutual. Initially in the past, I'll just say its pure crap and all talk but when I actually sit down, ponder bout it and notice people around me, I realise it true.

Maybe its the sign of me aging, I dont know but one thing I'm certain, love changes people, makes people grow more beautiful (mentally and emotionally), makes the world go round, makes life seem so wonderful, makes two people feel like they're living in heaven YET... love is also a sacrifice.

Sometimes the one we love the most does not necessarily mean we have to be with them. Sometimes the only want to really love is to let go of the one we love so dearly as love is a gift, not a possession. It brings tears, pain and the whole world crumbling down but perhaps its really the only way to say, "I really do love you with all of my heart but if it iswhat is going to make you happy, I will do it even if I'm going to collapse & fall apart."

Though its strange yet so true as I once read a quote saying, "A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling.. And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except ourselves.."

But one thing I'm purely certain about and agreeable which I reckon most would agree with me is... "Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?" Yet the crying part is not about blaming..

Some people can deny pain and hide their sadness within, some can be vaguely seen, some can be clearly seen. Different people have different ways of going through heartache and lost love.. Some of my friends believes that what you see physically may not necessarily potray what is deep within.

Love is beautiful yet a sacrifice. But I always believe, "if you really love someone so much, you will let go, if they come back, love is meant to be." And that is the gamble we take where the stakes are to risk it all. Its harsh, painful yet its only for the other to choose to leave or turn around & come back. Sometimes they come back after a while, sometimes after a few years, sometimes never at all anymore. But be thankful you were at least with them before. But SHALL THEY RETURN, the power of love will grow deeper and stronger better than before.

Its not always the case but I believe in the power of love... when you love someone so deeply, they change you, always be a part of you and they will crave a very deep place in your heart forever.